What we have

    An American: “We have Barack Obama, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.”

    An Italian: “We have Silvio Berlusconi, no wonder, no hope and no cash.”

    Two friends

    What is it: it weighs 250 kilos, it provides heat during the winter but hangs on the tree during the summer?

    I have no idea.

    It is a stove.

    A stove that hangs on a tree?

    Why does it matter to you where I keep my stove during the summer?

    I squeezed a...

    Son: “Mom, does a lemon have a beak?”

    Mom: “No, it doesn’t, my son.”

    Son: “Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed.”

    Chasing away elephants

    A man is riding a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, then rips that piece into smaller ones and throws them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks: “Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window?”

    “I’m chasing away the elephants.”

    “Chasing elephants? There aren’t any elephants in the city.”

    “Well, that means it’s working!”

    Me too

    In a restaurant, a man ordered soup but as soon as it arrived, he had to go to the bathroom. To make sure that nobody touched his soup while he was away, he wrote on a napkin: “I SPAT IN THE SOUP.”

    When he returned, he found another message on the napkin: “ME, TOO.”