Laziest worker

A site foreman had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up?”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the 10th man. “I’m feeling too lazy,” came the reply.

Black eyes

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what had happened.

The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman in church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.

The boss asked: “So where did you get the other shiner?”

The man said: “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

Silent fart

A man walks into the doctor’s office with a serious problem.

“Doctor, I’ve had problems with silent farts. I’ve done three sitting here talking to you. What are we going to do?”

The doctor replies: “The first thing we’re going to do is check your hearing.”