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在线翻译:
szdaily -> Fun -> 
Jokes of the Week
    2012-11-07  08:53    Shenzhen Daily

The other half

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.

Class: Hooray!

Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Under the headline

While taking photos of a bear eating fish in the forest, two journalists realized the annoyed beast had turned around to chase them.

While running, one journalist said to the other: “Can’t run any more! What should we do?”

“No idea. But one of us will have his photo under the headline!”

Get it, loser

A newspaper carried this classified ad: “The man who picked up my wallet on Market Street was recognized. He is requested to return it.”

A few days later this ad appeared: “The recognized man who picked up your wallet on Market Street requests the loser to call and get it.”

With a candle

Mike: Mom, I want to watch TV.

Mom: There is no electricity tonight.

Mike: Then let’s watch TV with a candle on.

(SD-Agencies)

Shake the bottle

Mom: Why are you jumping up and down?

Tom: I’ve just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.

Get the kid

A bit of advice for those about to retire.

If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is in their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell, “Get the kid.”

Lazy

A construction site head had 10 very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change.

“I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.”

Nine hands went up.

“Why didn’t you put your hand up?” he asked the 10th man.

“Too much trouble,” came the reply.

You are next

When I was young I didn’t like going to weddings.

My grandmother would tell me: “You’re next!”

However, she stopped doing that after I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.

My father doesn’t

Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, “Why aren’t you married? Can’t you find a woman who will be a good wife?”

Fred replied, “Actually, I’ve found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn’t like them.”

His friend thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve got the perfect solution, just find a girl who’s just like your mother.”

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, “Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?”

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, “Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much.”

The friend said, “Then what’s the problem?”

Fred replied, “My father doesn’t like her.”

 

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