Sick farmer

    A farmer felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examined him. “I can’t find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol,” the doctor told him.

    “Well,” the farmer said, “then I’ll come back when you’re sober.”

    Defense attorney

    A defense attorney was cross-examining a coroner.

    The attorney asked, “Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man’s pulse?”

    “No,” the coroner replied.

    The attorney then asked, “Did you listen for a heart beat?”

    The coroner said, “No.”

    “Did you check for breathing?”

    Again the coroner replied, “No.”

    The attorney asked, “So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?”

    The coroner, now tired of the browbeating, said, “Well, let me put it this way. The man’s brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere.”

    ‘We can still drive’

    A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their ailments.

    “My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup.”

    “Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can’t see to pour my coffee.”

    “I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck.”

    “I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old. Well, it’s not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive,” one man concluded.