How far to the town?

    A military unit was marching a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a blistering hot day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.

    A rancher rode past.

    “Say, friend,” called out one man, “how far is it to the next town?”

    “Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon,” called back the rancher.

    Another long hour dragged by, and the men saw another rancher.

    “How far to the next town?” the men asked him eagerly.

    “Oh, a good two miles.”

    After another half hour of marching, there came a third rancher.

    “Hey, how far’s the next town?” the men asked again.

    “Not far,” the rancher answered encouragingly, “only two miles.”

    “Well,” sighed the optimistic sergeant, “thank God, we’re holding our own!”

    Guess who?

    A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter placing “Love” stamps on pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. The curious guy asked what he was doing.

    The man said, “I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’”

    “But why?”

    “I’m a divorce lawyer.”