Drink like a fish

    A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss.

    All during the sit-down dinner, the host’s 3-year-old girl stared at her father’s boss sitting across from her.

    The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to ignore her but, finally, it was too much for him.

    He asked her, “Why are you staring at me?” The table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, “My daddy said you drink like a fish and I don’t want to miss it!”

    A great health plan

    Employee: The stress my boss puts me under is killing me. I have migraines, my blood pressure is going through the roof, I can’t sleep at night, I just found out that I have an ulcer, and as long as I stay in this job, the only question is whether I’ll have a stroke or a heart attack.”

    Friend: So, why don’t you quit?

    Employee: The company has a great health plan.

    Blind date

    After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him so he would have an excuse to leave. When he returned, he put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died.”

    “Thank heavens,” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to!”