First day at school

    An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

    “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.”

    I am

    Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I.”

    Student: I is the ...

    Teacher: Stop! Never put “is” after an “I”. Always put “am” after an “I.”

    Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

    Working in the dark

    Two factory workers are talking.

    The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

    The man asks, “And how would you do that?”

    The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

    The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

    The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

    The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”