Where’s my car?

    A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.

    The manager came out of the bar and stopped the guy. “What are you doing ?” he asked.

    “I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it,” the man replied.

    “So how does feeling the roof help you?” asked the puzzled manager.

    “Well,” replied the drunk earnestly, “My car has two blue lights and a siren on the roof!”

    Which way is it headed?

    A young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night waiting for her date. She wanted to make sure everything was perfect.

    As she bent down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farted quite loudly just as the waiter walked up.

    Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red-faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turned to the waiter and demanded, “Stop that!”

    The waiter looked at her dryly and said, “Sure, lady, which way is it headed?”

    ‘No’ to food

    Two hamburgers walk into a bar. They go up to the bartender and say, “We’d like two pizzas with mushrooms.”

    The bartender replies, “I’m sorry we don’t serve food.”