I take a book

    An old lady went to her doctor to see what could be done about her constipation.

    “It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”

    “I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.

    “Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for half an hour in the morning and again at night.”

    “No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”

    “Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”

    Longest six months

    A middle-aged man was visibly shaken when his doctor advised that he had only six months to live because of the disease that was detected during a recent physical. The doctor suggested that he should get his house in order, make sure his will is current and ensure all final arrangements are in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest.

    “What will you do for the six months?” asked the doctor.

    His patient thought for a few minutes and then replied, “I think I’ll go and live with my mother-in-law.”

    Surprised by the answer, the doctor asked, “Of all people, why in the world would you want to live with your mother-in-law?”

    “Because it’ll be the longest six months of my life!”