Whose relatives?

    A couple drove several miles down a country road with intense silence. Not a word was said to each other. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither wanted to concede his position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, “Relatives of yours?”

    “Yep,” the husband replied, “in-laws.”

    Your horse called

    A man was sitting reading his newspaper when the wife sneaked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a frying pan. “What the hell was that for?” he asked.

    “That was for the piece of paper in your pocket with the name Mary Ellen written on it,” she replied.

    “Don’t be silly,” he said. “Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Ellen was the name of one of the horses I bet on.”

    The wife apologized. Three days later he was again sitting in his chair reading when she nailed him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

    When he came around, he asked again, “What the hell was that for?”

    “Your horse just phoned.”

    How much?

    Johnny: Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?

    Dad: I don’t know, son. I’m still paying!