Three wishes

    A man had a party where all the rich people attended.

    And he had a pool with alligators. So he announced that anyone who could swim across the pool and come out alive would be granted three wishes. But no one wanted to go for the challenge. All of a sudden, there was a big splash and a man was swimming like hell and came out alive.

    So the host asked, “What are your three wishes?”

    The man replied, “Give me a shotgun and bullets and show me the idiot who pushed me in.”

    When I am driving

    A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

    “Careful,” he said, “Careful! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You’re cooking too many at once. Too many! Turn them! Turn them now! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! Where are we going to get more butter? They’re going to stick! Careful! I said be careful! You never listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt! The salt!”

    The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

    The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”