Final words

    John was paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He was completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. he looks like a mummy. John tried to have a conversation, but his neighbor had his eyes closed and wasn’t responding. Suddenly his eyes jumped wide open and he started to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he said, “Mi stai bloccando il d’tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...”

    John inscribed the words in his heart. At the funeral John told the black-clad widow that her husband had something to say.

    She asked with tearful eyes,”Was it that he loved me?”

    “I do not know,” John said, “but it sounded like ‘Mi stai bloccando il d’tubicino ossigeno, pezzo di merda ...’”

    The widow screamed and fainted.

    So John asked the daughter. “What did he say?” And the crying daughter said, “You are standing on my oxygen hose, you git.”

    Good timing

    I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.