Train schedule

    A man was complaining to a railroad engineer, “What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late?”

    The railroad engineer replied, “How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?”

    Which part?

    A: “I was born in California.”

    B: “Which part?”

    A: “All of me.”

    He did it

    Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?

    Student: No, he did it all by himself.

    Crowded

    On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.

    “What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.

    “No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see an old lady standing.”

    I am ...

    Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with “I.”

    Student: I is the ...

    Teacher: Stop! Never put “is” after “I.” Always put “am” after “I.”

    Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

    What do you think?

    A: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter?

    B: I think you are pretty ugly.