Teacher’s note

    An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.

    “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise not to believe everything your child says happens at home.”

    Past tense

    Teacher: Today, we’re going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say “I am beautiful,” which tense is it?

    Student: Obviously it’s the past tense.

    Can’t work in the dark

    Two factory workers are talking.

    The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”

    The man replies, “And how would you do that?”

    The woman says, “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

    The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”

    The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”

    The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

    The man starts to follow her and the boss says, “Where are you going?”

    The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

    Much closer

    Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?

    Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.