You are late

    Johnny: You are late for the game.

    Mike: I had to toss a coin to decide whether I should go to church or come to the game.

    Johnny: Why did it take you so long to toss a coin?

    Mike: I had to toss 15 times for the game.

    80

    Doctor: You’re in good health. You’ll definitely live to be 80.

    Patient: But, doctor, I am already 80.

    Doctor: See, what did I tell you!

    Stop imagining

    A: Imagine yourself in a boat which is sinking, and there are sharks all around you. What can you do to save yourself?

    B: I don’t know.

    A: Stop imagining.

    Illness

    Boss: Why did you leave your last job?

    Job applicant: Illness.

    Boss: What was the trouble?

    Job applicant: I was sick of my boss.

    Bring you back

    Wife: Where will you take me on our 10th anniversary?

    Husband: We’ll go on an African jungle safari.

    Wife: Nice. And on our 25th anniversary?

    Husband: I’ll try to bring you back.