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在线翻译:
szdaily -> Budding Writers -> 
Angel and demon (II)
    2017-01-18  08:53    Shenzhen Daily

    “Shut up.” The dismal interior dialogue ends when I refuse to accept the fact.

    Tonight, I beg you sincerely to leave my life with your messengers as far as you can. Please stop making me feel sick of myself. Stop torturing me.

    Your victim,

    A suffering me

    Wiping my tears, I go to bed with the hope that Anxiety and Depression will not come to me again, but a miracle does not happen. I am still questioned by them and swung between them. Perhaps I need to email my dad for advice tomorrow.

    Dear Dad,

    It is my third month at university, the most relaxing time in my 18 years.

    When I was a little child, you always recalled your valuable time at Beijing University of Chinese Medicine where you studied for seven years and received a PhD degree. Every time you told me that university students could find whatever books they wanted in the library and various social activities like English Corner and Confucius Philosophy Society were available, I was so eager to grow up in order to experience such a lifestyle full of freedom.

    However, I find studying English at Beijing Foreign Studies University is not working as I expected. I start to know why so much foreign and local media comment on current Chinese universities sarcastically. I saw an article in People’s Daily yesterday. It says that there are two extremes in Chinese education. One is that Chinese students push themselves so harshly and even cruelly before the gaokao in order to get into a famous university and the other is that they waste four years in a dormitory at university. They suspect that what we want to get is only a degree from a good university, which I cannot agree with but it is hard to find the evidence to prove ourselves.

    I participated in English Corner, but no one speaks English there. It is more like a chatting room with free drinks and snacks. When I find a few students in the library, most of my friends invite me to go for barbecue, I do not know what to choose.

    I am relaxed when I hang out with them but at the same time I feel confused and a sense of emptiness. Is it always happening when we feel relieved and free after the gaokao?

    Hope to hear from you soon.

    Love,

    Daughter

    At night, before I go to bed unwillingly, I receive the email from my dad.

    My dear little girl:

    I can totally understand your mixed feelings of expectations and confusion these days.

    Do you remember our conversation after we celebrated your 18th birthday?

    I asked about what your three wishes were before you blew out the candles in one puff and whether you had made a long-term plan because you were 18 now.

    You didn’t answer my question directly. Instead, you said, “Papa, you have to accept the fact that your daughter is an extraordinarily ordinary person.”

    I asked you why curiously because you always appeared to be confident and happy.

    And you replied, “Because I am sure that I can’t gain the same high achievements as you.

    You are a responsible and well-known doctor, go to conferences at home and abroad and you run your hospital successfully, while your daughter will probably only become an ordinary white-collar worker with a monthly salary and ordinary degree. I will be neither respected nor rich.”

    Then, you turned your head to me and asked, “Will I let you down?”

    Maybe it was a gentle and quiet night or maybe you started to think about the harsh reality in the future when you made the wishes at your first birthday in adulthood.

    It was the first time that we had talked to each other so honestly.

    I cannot remember my answer to your question since I probably drank too much wine that night, but now I can tell you whether I will be disappointed with you for being ordinary.

    The most important thing for me is whether you are happy, not what you achieve.

    As long as you think that what you do is meaningful and offers you time to experience the joy of life, you will feel a sense of happiness and dignity. Sometimes an animal warden who loves to brush a hippo’s teeth is happier than a rich banker who struggles with huge amounts of money that is not his.

    University provides you enough time to think about what is significant to you. As long as you are clear about what you want, you do not need to compare yourself to your parents or to follow the mainstream.

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