Catching the train

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, and if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

Same color

A husband tells his wife, “Since it is your birthday, remember that yellow Lamborghini that you really wanted?”

The wife screams in joy and starts crying tears of joy. Then the husband says, “Well I got you a toothbrush, same color.”

Why bother

One day, two thieves stole a bunch of money from a house.

First thief: Let us count the money we have stolen.

Second thief: Why waste our time? We can see it in the newspaper tomorrow.