Just ask me

    On a flight to Florida, John was preparing his notes for one of the parent-education seminars he would conduct as an educational psychologist.

    The elderly woman sitting next to him explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren in Boston.

    Then she inquired what John did for a living.

    He told her, fully expecting questions for free professional advice.

    Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, “If there’s anything you want to know, just ask me.”

    I was wearing a mask

    In a courtroom, a purse snatcher is on trial and the victim is stating what happened.

    She says: “Yes, that is him. I saw him clear as day. I’d remember his face anywhere.”

    At which point, the defendant bursts out, “You couldn’t see my face, lady. I was wearing a mask!”

    Grandpa will pay the bill

    Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, the pretty girl said, “I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?”

    “Only one kiss per meter,” replied the male clerk with a smirk.

    “That’s fine,” said the girl. “I’ll take 10 meters.” With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, then teasingly held it out.

    The girl snapped up the package, pointed to the old geezer standing beside her, and smiled, “Grandpa will pay the bill.”