You complain too much!

    On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him.

    He asks the stewardess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks: “And get me a whisky you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee.

    When this omission is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and bawls: “And get me another whisky you idiot.” Quite upset, the girl comes back shaking with another whisky but still no coffee.

    Unaccustomed to such slackness the man tries the parrot’s approach: “I’ve asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I’ll kick you.”

    The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly stewards.

    Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says: “For someone who can’t fly, you complain too much!”

    Fitness program

    At the airport for a business trip, Smith settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then he heard the voice on the public address system saying: “We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41.”

    So he picked up his luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not 10 minutes later the public address voice told him that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.

    So, again, he gathered his carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as he was settling down, the public address voice spoke again: “Thank you for participating in Delta’s physical fitness program.