Dream

    After she woke up, a woman told her husband: “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”

    “You’ll know tonight,” he said.

    That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.

    Delighted, she opened it — to find a book entitled: “The Meaning of Dreams.”

    Mistletoe

    Clarence Johnson took Christmas very seriously. Going to check in his luggage, he saw some mistletoe hanging. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap imitation with red paint on the rounder parts and green paint on the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.

    With a considerable degree of annoyance and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant: “Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a gross mockery of mistletoe.”

    “Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is hanging,” mentioned the attendant.

    “Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale, which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss,” said the traveler.

    The attendant answered, “That’s not why it’s there.”

    “Then, why is it there?”

    The attendant replied: “It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”