Good news

    Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?

    Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus.

    Patient: What happened?

    Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

    Patient: Give me the bad news first.

    Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

    Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?

    Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your boots.

    My last job

    A plumber attended to a leaking faucet at the neurosurgeon’s house. After a two-minute job the plumber demanded US$150.

    The neurosurgeon exclaimed, “I don’t charge this amount even though I am a surgeon.”

    The plumber replied: “I agree, you are right. I didn’t charge this amount either when I was a surgeon. That’s why I switched to plumbing!”

    Call me tomorrow

    A doctor had some trouble with the kitchen sink on a public holiday. He called the local plumber, only to be told that it was his day off.

    “But I get called out on my days off, too!” said the doctor, somewhat exasperated.

    The plumber arrived, and glanced over the sink, looking preoccupied. He mumbled something about golf, then handed the doctor a couple of aspirin and walked out, saying: “Put these in. If it doesn’t clear up in 24 hours, call me tomorrow.”