How he did it?

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court." said the desk sergeant.

"No, no no!" said the man.

"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

As fast as I could

The cop got out of his car and the kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window.

"I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.

The kid replied: "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Stop or slow down

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over.

"No," the man replied.

"You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained.

"But I did slow down!" the guy argued.

The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."

The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"

The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."