Just the regular kind

    Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

    “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

    “Tommy,” replied the second.

    “My daddy’s an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.

    Tommy replied: “My daddy’s a lawyer.”

    “Honest?” asked Billy.

    “No, just the regular kind,” replied Tommy.

    Expensive brains

    A lawyer finds out he has a brain tumor, and it’s inoperable — in fact, it’s so large, they have to do a brain transplant.

    His doctor gives him a choice of available brains — there’s a jar of rocket scientist brains for US$10 an ounce, a jar of regular scientist brains for US$15 an ounce, and a jar of lawyer brains for the princely sum of US$800 an ounce.

    The outraged lawyer says: “This is a ripoff — how come the lawyer brains are so damned expensive?”

    The doctor replies: “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to get an ounce of brains?”

    He’s dead

    The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him.

    “I’m sorry, he’s dead,” was the standard answer.

    Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling.

    The man on the other side replied: “I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it.”

    Boat and trailer

    “How long have you been driving without a tail light?” asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist.

    The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a long, painful groan. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.

    “Come on, now,” he said, “you don’t have to take it so hard. It isn’t that serious.”

    “It isn’t?” cried the motorist. “Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?”

    (Simon Tilley)