How do you kill an elephant

    — How do you kill a red elephant?

    — With the special gun for red elephants.

    — How do you kill a blue elephant?

    — You slap it until it turns red and then shoot it with the special gun for red elephants.

    — And how do you kill a yellow elephant?

    — Strangle it until he turns blue, then slap it until it turns red and then kill it with the special gun for red elephants.

    — How do you kill a black one?

    — You fool, the black elephant does not exist!

    Avoiding a big object

    Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him.

    Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.

    Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

    “I’m sorry, sir,” the first trooper told the driver, “but I am still going to have to write you a ticket.”

    Amazed, the driver asked for what.

    The trooper replied, “Tacks evasion.”

    Heard on a public bus

    Heard on a public transportation vehicle in Orlando:

    “When you exit the bus, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step.”

    “If you miss your step and hit your head, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you.”