Any idiots in the room?

“If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up,” said the sarcastic lecturer.

After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

“Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?” enquired the lecturer with a sneer.

“Well, actually I don’t,” said the student, “but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself.”

The professor of economics

An economics professor at school had a strict policy that the hourly examinations were to be completed at the bell and anyone who continued writing on their exam after the bell would score a zero in the exam.

One guy kept writing on his exam for a while after the bell and then confidently strode up to turn it in. The professor looked at him and said, “Don’t bother to hand that paper in. You get a zero for continuing after the bell.”

The guy looked at him and said, “Professor, do you know who I am?”

The professor replied, “No, and I don’t care if your dad is president of the United States. You get a zero on this exam.”

The guy, with an enraged look on his face, shouted, “You mean you have no idea who I am?”

The professor responded, “No.”

With that, the guy said “Good!” and plunged his exam into the middle of the stack of other students’ exams, and made a hasty retreat from the examination room.

Grading the essays

A professor was grading the essay finals he had just given his class and opened the exam book of a failing student to reveal blank pages and a US$100 bill. The only thing written in the book was “US$100 = 100% — I get an A.”

A month later, the student approached the professor. “I don’t understand,” he said. “I failed the course. Didn’t you read my final?”

The professor handed the student the exam book.

The student opened it to reveal US$50 and the phrase “US$50 = 50% — You fail!”