Cheers!

    An English man and an Irish man are driving head on at night on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide at a sharp bend on the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed.

    In celebration of their luck, both agree to put aside their dislike for the other from that moment on.

    At this point, the Englishman goes to the boot and fetches a 12-year-old bottle of whisky. He hands the bottle to the Irish man, who exclaims: “May the Irish and the English live together forever, in peace, and harmony.”

    The Irish man then gulps half of the bottle down. Still flabbergasted over the whole thing, he goes to hand the bottle to the Englishman who replies: “No, thanks, I’ll just wait till the police get here!”

    Speaking part

    A boy came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

    “Wonderful,” says the mother, “What part is it?”

    The boy says: “I play the part of the Scottish husband!”

    The mother scowls and says: “Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.