TO glean a foreigner’s perspective of the divisive topic of the Shanghai girl fleeing her boyfirend’s home on the Chinese New Year’s Eve, the Global Times interviewed expats in Shanghai and asked their take on the incident.

    “I think the girl’s reaction of leaving the table and immediately breaking up with her boyfriend is extreme and radical. Why didn’t she just share her feelings with her boyfriend instead of on social media?” Cyril Saidah from France said.

    Howard Whiteson from Britain also agreed that it was wrong of the girl to suddenly leave. “It lacks sensibility. She knew her boyfriend was from a village. So she should have accepted the food, then broken up at a better time,” he said.

    “I think there would be a national outcry if it happened in my country, Ireland, especially how she posted it publicly to display his family’s poor situation. It reflects a big gap and little empathy between the rich and the poor in China,” said an Irish citizen in Shanghai.

    “I totally don’t agree with the reaction of the girl, because even if she didn’t want to continue dating this guy, she didn’t have to humiliate his parents,” said Olga Portnova from Kazakhstan.

    But Guillaume Oscar, another French expat in Shanghai, admires the woman’s candor. “At least she’s honest and doesn’t leave her boyfriend hoping that they can still get married.”

    Can’t buy me love

    The Global Times also asked these same foreigners to expound on their impression of Chinese dating and marriage.

    “Compared to the West, people in China mostly marry for money rather than feelings. Most of the time it’s only because of their parents’ influence. But this is like how France was 60 years ago, so eventually China will also change,” said Oscar.

    “Making assumptions and having strong opinions can hurt opportunities for change. The girl should look at what the boy can become instead of where he came from and what he was in the past. Just because everybody uses AC power now does not mean they will in the future,” said Derek Cowburn from the United States.

    “From my understanding, many times the choice in China is based on financial and education criteria before true love. But I believe everybody should be humble and respectful toward each other. Class differences should not be a deal breaker if the couple really loves each other,” said Saidah.

    “Relationships and marriages with big gaps in their backgrounds are common in Western countries. It’s not usually a problem for couples, but some rich parents wouldn’t want the husband of their precious daughter to earn less than them,” said Portnova.

    Opposites attract

    In the case of the Shanghai woman, it was obviously important for her to find a significant other who has a matching family background, but for the foreigners interviewed, this does not seem to be so important.

    “I think it’s fine for people of different classes to date and marry. There are many examples of this in the West. If love is strong then class shouldn’t matter. But it can also eventually create conflict,” said Whiteson.

    “People from different backgrounds dating and marrying each other should not be a problem if both are honest with each other from the beginning. And people’s situations can change. Compared to 10 years ago, both me and my wife are making much more money now,” said Oscar.

    “I believe in pure love. Emotions are stronger than backgrounds,” said Portnova.

    “There is no reason people from different family backgrounds and classes should not date or marry. Most societies are not like the Indian caste system, in which there is no mixing allowed,” said Saidah.

    “In French we even have a saying that goes ‘opposites attract.’ Meeting and mixing with different people is very rewarding and helps us become more open-minded,” he said.

    (Global Times)