A sign at a petrol pump

    Please don’t smoke here — your life may be worthless, but petrol certainly isn’t!

    A visit to mental hospital

    During a visit to a mental hospital, a medical student asked the doctor, “How do you determine whether or not a patient should be admitted?”

    “Well,” the doctor said, “we fill a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him to empty the bathtub.”

    The student said, “Oh, a normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger.”

    “No,” said the doctor. “A normal person wud pull the drain plug. Now, which bed do you want?”

    Whose mobile is this?

    In a bar, a man answers a ringing mobile phone.

    Man: Hello!

    Wife: Darling shall I buy a diamond ring?

    Man: Sure honey!

    Wife: Shall I use your credit card for a crystal pendant?

    Man: OK, dear!

    Friends: Great to see that you love her so much!

    Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?