The anxiety over marital status is not unique among Shenzhen parents. The park-based marriage markets also flourish in Beijing, Shanghai and Wuhan.

    Liao Zhenni

    jenna.liao@mail.utoronto.ca

    WHILE millions of couples are celebrating Chinese Valentine’s Day today, others are enjoying remaining single, leaving their parents anxious.

    In Shenzhen Lianhua Hill Park, many parents and grey-haired grandparents are visiting a matchmaking fair, popularly known as a “marriage market,” to find dates for their children and grandchildren. Starting off as a spontaneously organized event a decade ago, the marriage market has remained popular ever since.

    With over 1,000 matrimonial advertisements on the chain-link fences, visitors are busy reading over ads, jotting down notes and trading information. An overwhelming number of the candidates in the Shenzhen marriage market are women born in the late 1980s.

    Mr. Luo, holding a large resume-style poster for his 24-year-old son, advertised the child to a chattering crowd of mothers. “My son is a postgraduate student at Central South University in Hunan Province and is coming back to Shenzhen soon.”

    Age, height, education, occupation, registered residency status, as well as the requirements for an ideal partner are the basic information in the posters. For instance, one message reads, Cantonese girl born in 1983, 165 cm, bachelor’s degree, civil servant, looking for a 10-year-older guy with a stable income and good looking.

    While a few provided personal phone numbers or social media accounts, the majority left contacts belonging to their parents instead. “Today’s young adults are too busy to devote time to dating,” a mother surnamed Li told Shenzhen Daily, “It’s the parent’s responsibility to help them out.” Looking forward to marrying off her 30-year-old daughter, Li has been a frequent visitor to the marriage market since she retired two years ago.

    Highly anxious, barely successful

    The anxiety over marital status is not unique among Shenzhen parents. The park-based marriage markets also flourish in Beijing, Shanghai and Wuhan.

    Flying from hometown in Hebei Province to Beijing where her 34-year-old daughter works, a woman surnamed Liu said to Beijing Morning Post, “My daughter works as a human resource manager, who is good at recruiting employees but poor at getting a husband.” The busy schedule and small social circle limits her search for a partner, according to her mother.

    “She doesn’t care about her marital status,” she said, “which makes me anxious.” Liu visits her daughter at least three times a year and stays for one month to look for a son-in-law in Beijing. Despite her daughter’s doubt at the reliability of the marriage market, the worried mother said she will never give up on the search.

    While some are able to hunt for an ideal spouse for their children in local marriage markets, other parents express their anxiety by verbally pressuring their children.

    In 2016, over 70 percent of Chinese singles face familial pressure to marry, says a nationwide survey conducted by State-run organization China National Committee for the Well-being of the Youth. Particularly, females are more likely to be forced into marriage compared to their male counterparts.

    “Fix the problem. Don’t be cruel to me,” an old father says to his unmarried daughter in a heatedly discussed video titled “Marriage Market Takeover” produced by SK-II. The daughter breaks down in tears and says, she does want to marry, but, not just for the sake of marriage.

    While parents are committed to playing matchmaker with or without their children’s consent, very few of them ended up finding love for their children in the marriage markets.

    “My daughter is unhappy about my visit to the marriage market and always says no to a set-up date,” said Liu, who has been to multiple of Beijing’s marriage markets over the past five years. “Now I just tell her that I am going to the park without mentioning the marriage market,” she laughed. “In reality, I got to know many parents but few single guys in the market.”

    In Shanghai, less than 1 percent of the parental matches succeeded partly due to children’s unwillingness, according to a survey conducted by Sun Peidong, an associate professor in the Department of History at Fudan University.

    “My parents and I always have different preferences so I come to the marriage market personally,” said a mathematics teacher born in 1974. His appearance in the Shenzhen marriage market immediately attracted a crowd of parents.

    Marriage concerns two families

    Chinese marriage is not solely about two individuals but about the two families, which explains why parents are anxious about their children’s marriage prospects.

    “A rented house provides a weak sense of security,” said a mother surnamed Deng who has hunted for an ideal son-in-law in the Shenzhen marriage market for three months, “Everyone is looking for those who own or can afford a home.”

    To assess the candidates’ familial background, a woman surnamed Song, a three-year matchmaker in the Shanghai marriage market, has developed a strategy. “Just ask them how much the parking costs in their living area,” Song said, “The hourly price of under 15 yuan means they are living either in old apartments built in the 1980s or in suburban areas.”

    Sun thinks the privatization of public services does affect the spouse selection. Given the government’s gradual withdrawal from health care and housing, aging parents have to depend partly on their children’s marriage to secure a good retirement.

    This is a collective anxiety among the generation born in the 1950s and 1960s, explains Sun in her book “Who Will Marry My Daughter.” After being sent to rural areas in Mao’s era and being affected by the one-child policy, the whole generation desires an improvement in their harsh lives by getting an ideal spouse for their only child. While some expect the marriage to provide a shortcut to an affluent life, others prefer a spouse with a similar background to secure familial stability.

    However, marriage is always a result of negotiation between two generations.

    After a five-year search, Liu is in less of a rush now. “My worries help little if my daughter feels comfortable with her single status.” The mother considers herself no more than an adviser, providing candidates’ information but not arranging the marriage.

    “My daughter is the decision maker,” said Li in the Shenzhen marriage market. “I am just here to narrow down her prospects and make sure she makes the right choice.” While she tends to assess the male candidates on the basis of social status and career prospects, the daughter emphasizes the romantic attachment to the partner.

    “It is out of date to dictate one’s child’s marital fate in modern China; thus, parents now act more like human resource managers who filter out ‘the disqualified’ based on age and income and submit a list of candidates to the child. If they get the nod, parents will set up a date,” says Sun.