Waiter

    The waiter was using a toilet when someone knocked on the door.

    Without thinking he says, “Come in please, sir!”

    No worries

    A couple is away on holiday. The wife suddenly remembers that she forgot to switch off the gas.

    The husband then says, “Don’t worry, honey. There won’t be a fire. I forgot to switch off the tap!”

    Not sleeping enough

    Patient: I have had troubles with my sleep lately.

    Doctor: What’s the problem?

    Patient: I’ve woken up each morning at 8 a.m. these last two weeks.

    Doctor: It’s time to wake up at 8, don’t you agree?

    Installments

    A rabbit visited the house of a turtle. She marveled at his property and said, “What a great house you’ve purchased. I hope I could have a house like this some day.”

    The turtle said, “I paid for it on installments. You can do the same.”

    The rabbit said, “Easy for you to say. You can repay your loans in 100 years, and I have to do it within 20.”

    Full score

    Son: If I have a full score on the exam, what would you do, dad?

    Dad: I will be thrilled to death.

    Son: I just saved your life, dad!