Adopted

Father: Son, you were adopted.

Son: What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!

Father: We are your biological parents. Now pack up. The new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.

Pretty or ugly

A: Am I pretty or ugly?

B: You’re both. You’re pretty ugly.

Big spender

A: I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it.

B: Why not?

A: Because the thief spends less than my wife.

A reminder

Patient: I have forgotten so many things lately, and it’s getting worse. What can I do?

Doctor: This is a known illness, but unfortunately it has no cure. I’d also like to remind you about the US$800 that you owe me.