Case dismissed

Mary was dragged into court by a neighbor who complained about her barking dogs. At one point, the judge asked the neighbor a question. The neighbor didn’t reply. “Sir, are you going to answer me?” The neighbor leaped to his feet. “Are you talking to me?” he asked. “Sorry; I can’t hear a thing.” The case was dismissed.

Good news, bad news

The attorney tells the accused, “I have some good news and some bad news.”

“What’s the bad news?” asks the accused.

“The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it.”

“What’s the good news?”

“Your cholesterol is 130.”

Different time zones

While I was out to lunch, my co-worker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.

The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Eastern Standard Time?”