Everything twice

A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife, “Michelle, look. Here is an article about how women use about twice as many words per day as men do.”

The wife responds, “That’s because we have to tell you guys everything twice.”

Really exhausting

An old lady goes to her doctor and says, “Doctor, you know how you told me I should avoid going up and down stairs as much as possible?”

“Yes,” nods the doctor. “We agreed on that after the latest X-rays.”

“Well, I don’t know if it was such a great recommendation. All the climbing up and down the rain gutter is really exhausting!”

Are you better?

“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” a doctor asks his patient.

“Yes, just like you said.”

“And is the bronchitis gone now?”

“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and smartphone.”