Police officer: Your tail light is broken, your tires must be exchanged and your bumper hangs halfway down. That will be US$300.

Driver: Alright, go ahead. They want twice as much as that at the garage.

Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher?

There was no chemistry.

Doctor: “Why did you send my bill back, unopened, Mr. Gunrick?”

Gunrick: “But doctor, it was you who told me I must avoid any upsets and stress!”