Deja vu

A man walks into a barbershop and says, "I want you to cut my hair longer on the left side and shorter on the right side. Make it uneven along the back, jagged in the front, and take out a big chunk right near the top."

The barber says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't do that."

The man replies, "Why not? It's what you did last time."

Good eyes

A woman standing in front of a mirror tells her husband: "I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. But will you still give me a compliment?

The husband replies: "Your eyesight is still excellent."