Li Tianyi, Ningxiang Chengbei Middle School, Hunan Province

湖南省宁乡市城北中学 李天意

During the National Day holiday, I read an essay on the National Library of Medicine website about parent-teen conflict in Vietnam. It highlights how Confucianism — which emphasizes children’s obedience — has shaped family dynamics in the country for centuries. Yet rapid globalization has led to the widespread adoption of Western values, a trend similar to what is happening in China. Teenagers increasingly seek privacy and independence, while parents often hold on to traditional beliefs.

Lately, I’ve noticed growing tension between my parents and me. My life revolves around school and family, making conflicts in these settings almost inevitable. I’ve come to understand, through the essay, that such struggles often stem from deeper issues in communication and trust.

For instance, when a mom repeatedly asks her son, “How are you doing today, Alex?” he gives brief answers and retreats to his room. Alex desires privacy and sees no need to explain himself, while his mom feels shut out. The misunderstanding is mutual and harms their relationship: he perceives her questions as intrusive, while she interprets his silence as rejection.

Research shows that parent-teen conflicts tend to increase in frequency and intensity as children grow older. Teens seek greater independence and often prioritize their peers. Aware that friendships can be fragile, they tend to handle conflicts with friends carefully — but may act more carelessly at home.

Moderate conflict is normal and can even be healthy. It helps young people learn to navigate differences, understand boundaries, and develop social skills. The lessons learned during such disputes can support the transition from impulsive reactions to thoughtful social adaptation. However, too much or too little conflict may indicate underlying problems, such as parental overindulgence or overly strict authority. When parents act wisely and communicate openly, conflicts can ultimately strengthen family bonds.

Frequent conflicts often point to a lack of trust. One teenager described feeling upset when his mom criticized his packing in front of his grandma. He insisted he had received no instructions, while she claimed she had guided him. He felt belittled. Later, during dinner, she recalled offering advice while he was with his girlfriend. He then remembered and admitted his mistake, realizing she hadn’t lied.

Dr. Ran D. Anbar, a U.S. psychologist, notes that such situations often reflect generational gaps. Resolving conflicts requires listening, respect, trust, and acknowledging that anyone’s memory can be flawed. Skills — whether walking, cycling, or preparing for an exam — require practice. Trust is no different. Children are not inherently trustworthy; they earn trust through consistent behavior.

Understanding parent-teen conflict is essential. It helps identify core family issues: the concerns of each party, differences in priorities, perceptions of roles, and views of the relationship itself.

(This essay was written with the guidance of Sabrina Y. Wang.)