James Baquet

    Today’s expression, “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies,” is a way of saying, “You may not like the answer I’m going to give you.” A modern version of this is, “Don’t ask the question if you don’t think you’ll like the answer.”

    Here it is in a dialogue.

    James sees his student, a girl named Emma, in the library.

    James: Hi, Emma.

    Emma: James! Speak of the devil! I was just asking someone if you were around.

    James: What’s up?

    Emma: I wanted to find out how I did on the final.

    James: Ummm… “Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.”

    Emma: Really? That bad? Come on, James, cut to the chase.

    James: Well, you failed.

    Emma: Yikes! How is that possible?

    James: First off, I think you rushed through it. “Haste makes waste,” you know.

    Emma: I know. But I had places to go, James; I’m really busy these days.

    James: Still, I can’t let you off the hook just because you’re busy.

    Emma: Anyway, that test was all Greek to me.

    James: I’ll bet. You missed a lot of class, and that just adds fuel to the fire.

    Emma: What else went haywire?

    James: Well, you used a pencil instead of a pen for the essay.

    Emma: I know. I forgot!

    James: But I can’t turn a blind eye just because I like you. Rules are rules. I have a zero tolerance policy on pencil use.

    Emma: Damn! (Pardon my French.) I just can’t win for losing, can I?

    James: Better luck next time, kiddo!

    Notes on the dialogue:

    — Speak of the devil: Something we say when we see someone shortly after speaking about them.

    — Cut to the chase: Get to the point.

    — Yikes: An expression of surprise or dismay.

    — Haste makes waste: A proverb, meaning that if one works too fast, the work will be of poor quality.

    — To have places to go: A cliche meaning “to be busy;” also “to have places to go, to have people to see, to have things to do.”

    — To let someone off the hook: To give someone a break, to not hold him or her to the requirements.

    — Something is all Greek to me: Something is impossible to understand.

    — I’ll bet: I’m sure you’re right.

    — To add fuel to the fire: To make a problem worse than it needs to be.

    — To go haywire: To develop problems, to get out of control.

    — To turn a blind eye (to something): To ignore something.

    — A zero tolerance policy: A position that allows for no forgiveness when someone makes a mistake.

    — Pardon my French: A way to excuse oneself for swearing.

    — Someone can’t win for losing: A joking way to express regret over one’s inability to succeed.