James Baquet

Today's expression, "Comparisons are odious," means that to compare things can lead to various problems.

One of Shakespeare's comic characters put it in a more humorous way, saying, "Comparisons are odorous," meaning they smell bad!

This is a malapropism, a form of humor in which someone says a word similar to the proper one, which then makes the statement funny. Examples include, "What are you incinerating?" (for "insinuating") and "He is the very pineapple of politeness" (for "pinnacle," stated by the original Mrs. Malaprop in Richard Sheridan's play The Rivals).

James sees his student, a girl named Eva, walking across campus.

James: Little Eva!

Eva: Hi, James. What's up?

James: Not much. Hey, how's your new boyfriend?

Eva: Not bad. I mean, not as good as the last one, but…

James: It's not fair to compare.

Eva: I know, "Comparisons are odorous." Still, it's pretty normal.

James: So where does this guy fall short?

Eva: Oh, he measures up in most ways. But sometimes he's a little flaky, and we end up squaring off.

James: Flaky how?

Eva: Like forgetting to call, or being late to pick me up. It's a total diss, like he don't wanna give me no props.

James: I guess you might have to do some training.

Eva: Maybe. But James: he ain't no dog!

James: Good one!

Notes on the dialogue:

--Little Eva: There have been two well-known "Little Evas" in American history. The first was the kind-hearted daughter of a Southern slave owner in the landmark 1852 novel Uncle Tom's Cabin. The second was a hit singer in the 1960s, known for "The Locomotion."

--To fall short: To fail to meet standards or expectations.

--To measure up: To not "fall short."

--To be flaky: To be eccentric or, as in this case, unreliable.

--To square off: To get ready for a fight. When two fighters (boxers, maybe, or gong fu artists) line up facing in other, and assume positions indicating they're ready to fight, they are "squaring off."

--A diss: An insult. It comes from the word "disrespect," and can also be used as a verb: "Don't diss me, or else!"

--He don't wanna give me no props: The poor grammar is intentional, used for mildly humorous effect. "Props" are "proper respect," so the sentence means, "He doesn't want to respect me properly."

--He ain't no dog: James has suggested that Eva "do some training;" Eva makes a joke that her boyfriend "isn't a dog." The humor lies in the fact that, while one may train a dog, "a dog" can also mean "an ugly person." So Eva is saying her boyfriend isn't ugly.

--Good one: That's a funny joke!