When you meet someone for the first time, do you put across a good impression? And what do we mean by “good” in this context?

According to “Presence,” a new book by Harvard Business School professor Amy Cuddy, people assess you on two main criteria when they first meet you: 1. Can I trust this person? 2. Can I respect this person?

Your level of trustworthiness, or warmth, is the most important factor in how people initially perceive you, Cuddy says — yet many mistakenly believe that the second factor, characterized as competence, is more important.

“From an evolutionary perspective,” Cuddy writes, “it is more crucial to our survival to know whether a person deserves our trust.”

While displaying competence is certainly beneficial, particularly in a work setting, Cuddy warns that focusing on winning people’s respect, while failing to win their trust, can backfire — a common problem for young professionals attempting to make a good impression early on in their careers.

“If someone you’re trying to influence doesn’t trust you, you’re not going to get very far; in fact, you might even elicit suspicion because you come across as manipulative,” Cuddy says.

“A warm, trustworthy person who is also strong elicits admiration, but only after you’ve established trust does your strength become a gift rather than a threat.”

In Cuddy’s book she also explains some of the science that can help you spot a liar.

“Lying is hard work,” she writes. “We’re telling one story while suppressing another, and most of us are experiencing psychological guilt about doing this, which we’re also trying to suppress. We just don’t have the brainpower to manage it all without letting something go — without ‘leaking.’”

The author adds that these “leaks” can be seen in a person displaying conflicting emotions, like a happy tone of voice paired with an angry facial expression.

“It’s about how well or poorly our multiple channels of communication — facial expressions, posture, movement, vocal qualities, speech — cooperate,” she adds.

与人第一次见面时，你能给人留下一个好印象吗？在这里我们所谓的“好”又指的是什么呢？

哈佛商学院教授艾米·库迪的新书《存在》 ，谈到了影响第一印象的两个主要评判标准：他（她）值得我信赖吗？他（她）值得我尊重吗？

库迪说，可信度（或者说亲近感）是影响人们第一印象最重要的因素。但许多人错误的认为第二个因素 — 能力 — 更重要。库迪在书中写道：“从进化的角度

看，知晓一个人是否值得我们信任，对我们的生存更为重要。”

向别人展示能力当然会对我们有好

处，尤其是在工作场合。但库迪提醒大家，只顾赢得别人的尊重而忽视赢得别人的信

任，可能会适得其反。想要在事业早期给别人留下好印象的职场新人，普遍存在这个问题。库迪说：“如果你尝试去影响的人并不信任你，那么你是走不了很远的；事实上，因为你给别人留下了控制欲强的印象，他们反而对你有疑虑。”

一个平易近人、值得信任，同时能力又强的人，才会让人心生敬佩。不过，只有在你们之间建立了信任后，你的能力才会变成一种优点，而不是一种威胁。

库迪在书中也提供了一些科学理论，可以帮你识别撒谎的人。

她写道：“说谎并非易事，编造谎言的同时也意味着隐瞒另一个事实，大多数人还会因撒谎而心生愧疚，并试图掩盖愧疚。我们人类的脑力还没有强大到可以在撒谎时做到天衣无缝 — 不让自己露馅。”

作者补充说，如果一个人表达的情感产生了冲突 — 比如语调是欢快的，但同时面部表情却是愤怒的 — 最容易被抓住漏

洞。她还说，这跟我们与人交流时，对身体的协调掌控有关：包括面部表情、姿势、动作、声音以及说话方式。

    Words to Learn 相关词汇

   【引起】yǐnqǐ elicit draw or bring out or forth, evoke

    【控制欲强】kòngzhìyù qiáng manipulative influencing or attempting to influence the behavior or emotions of others for one’s own purposes